Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
where am i from again
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
