Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
