I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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