Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
