I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
