Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
