My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
