Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
