By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
