i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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