Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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