Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
