I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
