I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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