I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Randomize
