you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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