i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
