I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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