Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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