I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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