Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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