Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
