omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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