my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
