every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
