I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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