Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
