4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
