you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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