I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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