You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
