i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
