some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
