glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
