nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
