i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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