What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
