I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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