He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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