I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
