Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
