Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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