I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
