I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
