I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
