New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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