Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
