I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
