theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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