too bad you live with your parents still
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
